“I love you very very very very very very much mudder.”

After toiling for what feels like forever, I’ve reached our financial goal and we’re able to purchase a home. We’ve even found said home. Further – we’ve even accepted the seller’s counter-offer on this house. We get to move on or before August 31st.

I’m hoping that the “or before” is the most accurate part of that sentence. I truly am.

A little over a year ago, hubby and I gained a very fast realization that we had to move out of the little townhouse we’d lived in for about six years. We were eating dinner and saw a CHILD FIRE A GUN in the middle of the street. In front of our house. While our daughter sat beside us at dinner time. I did some homework and found a home for rent that was a short four minutes away from where I work.

The house has served as a home. I wish I could say it’s been a comfortable home, but since we’ve been in the place we’ve had months of the AC / heater working improperly, leaks in the roof, uncontrollable bug problems, a backed-up septic system, and a lot of time spent waiting for our landlord to fix our issues.

This weekend the A/C decided to stop working. Kaput. Fin. We don’t know exactly what’s wrong with it. The very same day our pool decided to deflate as well.

We’re so very close. We’ve got a home on the line. Not just a home – but a beautiful, well-kept, well-insulated, and sturdy home. This is in our sights! I believe it’s the fact that we know the home is ready and we know we’re just waiting that is making us so overly-anxious.

Or it could be because every month or so we’ve got to wait for the landlord to repair something else.

In short, I could never portray my thoughts quite as well as The Animals, so I’ll let them speak for me:

Watch my daddy in bed and tired
Watch his hair been turning gray
He’s been working and slaving his life away
I know
He’s been working so hard
I’ve been working too babe
Every day baby
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

We gotta get out of this place
If it’s the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Girl, there’s a better life
For me and you

I’ve practically lived breastfeeding for the last 3.5 years. I started researching and learning when I found out I was pregnant. I breastfed Puddin’ as well as I could. I’ve kept researching and learning since she stopped.

But I literally had nothing good to contribute to the conversation.

I pride myself on gathering information, putting it together, thinking it through critically, and then forming an opinion on X, Y, or Z.

Last night I was corrected on every point I made. If I said X the answer was X *and* Y. If I said the answer was Y, it was really Z instead…

How many other times do I just completely miss the point? How often do I lose important pieces of information? How often does my brain discard half of the answer, only to leave me with the second half?

I’ve made all my breastfeeding posts private now. They’re still there… but I certainly don’t want to chance giving someone some information that could either booby-trap them or information that just wouldn’t help them at all.

I think I’m also done with anything else requiring brain power. No more political discussions. No more activism. If I can’t get my facts straight and present those facts to others, then what’s the point? Cause more confusion? That’s never been my passion… I know that I’ve never been a teacher – I’ve never quite been able to clearly relay to others what I’m thinking or how I came to a conclusion – but my god, you guys… I can’t remember the last time that I’ve been so blatantly proven wrong. Repeatedly. On a subject about which I thought I was knowledgeable…

I’m tucking my tail between my legs and apologizing. I’m sorry if I mis-lead any of you; that certainly was not my intention.

As for this blog… it’ll still be here, and I can assure you that it will still be a hodge-podge of whatever has me thinking that day. I also promise that it still will not make sense, but at least I’ll keep my posts about my feelings and life events… at least I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone with those.

Puddin: “Redgehog?”

In searching for them I’ve found these web sites reporting the exact same experiences I’ve been having:
http://sciguy.hubpages.com/hub/Cardholder-Services
http://complaintwire.org/Complaint.aspx/4I4vMEeiEQD13AjL9VJ9Kg
http://www.helium.com/items/794357-the-downside-of-card-holder-services
http://www.nbsincorp.com/blog/card-holder-services-scam-alert/
http://www.complaintsboard.com/complaints/card-holder-services-c186881.html

Call log*:
2012 01-30 8:11 p.m.: 720-539-6698
April: “This is the third time I have asked…”
Caller: “Today? TODAY? TODAY? Let me tell you something. You don’t want to threaten me. It would be the worst thing you’d ever done. Have a nice day!”
Click.

2012 02-03 2:20 p.m.: 920-602-0879
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 02-06 2:58 p.m.: 920-602-0879
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 02-13 9:46 a.m.: 615-222-7091
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 02-16 2:56 p.m.: 920-602-0879
Did not answer phone.

2012 02-20 12:12 p.m.: 801-647-0293
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 02-28 11:49 a.m.: 305-202-1132
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-01 1:34 p.m.: 971-295-9768
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-02 1:50 p.m.: 971-295-9768
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-05 3:54 p.m.: 971-295-9768
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-07 10:05 a.m.: 971-295-9768
Did not answer phone.

2012 03-14 1:38 p.m.: 612-222-7091
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-16 12:43 p.m.: 313-204-1037
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-20 9:25 a.m.: 513-417-0498
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-21 3:01 p.m.: 513-417-0498
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-22 11:23 a.m.: 313-204-1037
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-23 2:47 p.m.: 760-680-6895
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-25 11:05 a.m.: 615-620-0301
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-29 10:03 a.m.: 785-207-6317
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 03-29 2:13 p.m.: 785-207-6317
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 04-06 10:33 a.m.: 303-249-9700
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 04-10 2:00 p.m.: 303-249-9700
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 04-11 12:47 p.m.: 313-204-1037
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 04-11 1:43 p.m.: 303-249-9700
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 04-17 9:29 a.m.: 303-249-9700
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 04-19 10:23 a.m.: 617-390-4562
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 04-19 1:42 p.m.: 617-390-4562
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 04-19 1:48 p.m.: 515-421-5843
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 05-07 9:37 a.m.: 720-409-2532
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 05-08 9:43 a.m.: 720-409-2532
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 05-14 12:50 p.m.: 720-409-2532
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 05-14 2:14 p.m.: 515-421-5843
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

2012 05-15 3:47 p.m.: 515-421-5843
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

***There were plenty more calls between May and October; I simply got busy and got tired of logging them.***

2012 10-11 3:00 p.m.: 609-227-4849
Answered phone. Got automated message. Did not press a number to talk to anyone; hung up the phone.

*Please note these are not ALL the calls I have received; this merely reflects the calls I have remembered to log here.

You guys, I’m in love! Seriously – I can’t preach about this procedure enough!

First: The procedure itself is out of a sci-fi movie. From going to the back and popping the magic pill until I walked out the door ready to go home took all of 40 minutes.

I didn’t think that the Valium had taken hold until they said “April, are you ready to go?” and I said in the most nonchalant way manageable: “Yeah, let’s do it.”

They took me back and doc explained everything step-by-step. I’d elected to take the more invasive procedure since it had a less occurrence of side effects. I appreciated the information.

“April I’m going to put some numbing drops in your eyes. Next I’m going to add a round holder to keep your eyelids open.”

Mind – this was one of the things I was most worried about. I was wondering how the hell I was supposed to get through a procedure on my eyeballs without blinking. Honestly? The eyeball-ring-holder-openers were completely comfortable. I blinked like normal but my eyes weren’t affected by it at all.

“I want you to focus on the red blinking light right there. Put your head here and rest. Now I’m going to buff off your epithelial cells. You’ll feel a little pressure.”

Truth is I didn’t feel a thing but I could tell that, essentially, my eyeballs were being filed by an eyeball-specific sanding block.

“Now you’ll see the laser start to work.”

Straight out of sci-fi you guys. It was just like those cartoons where you see an alien tracking beam shooting toward earth. Little circular lights went :: click click click :: down toward my eyeballs.

“Now I’m going to put this medicine on your eyes and it will stay there for 30 seconds until I rinse it out.”

Everything was beyond precise. I heard his medical assistant counting down from 30, but by the time he’d finished his sentence we were down to 20.

“20. . . . . 15. . . . . 10. . . . . 5. . . . . 0.”

Immediately my left eye was rinsed. The eyeball-ring-holder-opener was removed.

“Now it’s time for the right.”

The same procedure was done on my right eye. No problemo. Once it was completed on my left eye I knew I had nothing to worry about. Sure enough – everything was done in precisely the same scientific way.

I have to admit that about an hour after the procedure the pain kicked in; for several days after I was very uncomfortable – but that I expected. The more invasive procedure does that, but it was worth it to me to deal with a few more days’ pain now in order to avoid aggravation later.

I had my latest follow-up appointment last week and they reinforced what I already knew. . . at this point I can see as well as I did with my glasses. But the uber part? I still have a couple months’ healing to go so by the time I’m finished I should be seeing better than I did before my glasses!

The best part? Waking in the middle of the night and being able to see. . .

I no longer have to have my glasses in order to find my glasses. . .

It’s incredible!

• Store linens inside their own pillowcases to keep track of matches (and it looks more organized as well)
• Re-use Wet Ones wipes containers to store plastic grocery bags
• Store plushy toys by attaching a velcro strip to the wall
• Attach a couple wires to the ceiling and store your rolls of wrapping paper above them
• Put magnetic strips on the insides of your medicine cabinet doors to store bobby pins, tweezers, clippers, etc.
• Bread tags make great cord labels to organize your office space
• Install a tension rod to hang spray bottles

• Disguise scrapes and scratches in furniture by rubbing a walnut over them
• Remove crayon from your TV or computer screen with WD40
• Baby powder will remove sand from your skin easily
• Find lost earrings by covering your vacuum hose with a stocking
• Clean out your filing cabinet (credit to LifeOrganizers.com):
  • Keep tax returns and backup tax documentation seven years
  • Keep personal health records indefinitely including:
    • Physicians’ contact info
    • Medical history
    • Prescriptions / prescribed treatments
    • Exception: Sickness-specific records should be kept 5 years unless those were claimed on your taxes
  • Keep life insurance policies three years past their expiration dates
  • Keep medical insurance information five years including bills / statements
  • Keep warranty paperwork until:
    • Item is discarded or
    • Warranty expires
  • Keep repair bills / contracts ten years
  • Keep only your current year’s pay stubs; they may be thrown away when you get your last check stub; keep that one indefinitely in order to review your W2
  • Keep bank statements only three months
  • Keep credit card statements three months
  • Keep utility bills for three months
  • Keep mortgage statements for seven years past payoff

• Pop the green “cap” off strawberries by poking a straw through the bottom of the berry and pushing the cap upwards
• Secure cut apples closed with a rubber band in order to keep them from browning in your lunchbox
• Bake cupcakes in ice cream cones

Does that sound a bit nervous to you? . . . Well yes. Yes, I’m quite nervous.

For as long as I’ve known that lasik exists I’ve wanted to get it. I’ve dreamed of a time when I wouldn’t have to worry about glasses or contacts or the extra cost associated with either of those. (OK – for those of you who don’t know, the truth is that after tomorrow I’ll be “less dependent upon glasses or contacts” but it’s not a guaranteed thing that I’ll see 20/20.)

To be honest I feel terrible about getting this procedure right now. Since my darling daughter has had to start wearing glasses a few months ago it’s been easier to coax her into wearing them “like Mama’s”. I’m a little afraid, to be honest, that after I have this procedure done she won’t want to wear them any more. You know what else I’ll miss? I’ll miss her walking up to me or hopping on the couch, quite randomly, clinking her glasses against mine and then saying “Cheers!”

That’s priceless.

But honestly if I don’t get this done now I feel I won’t have another chance. I’m paying 20% for a procedure that is rare to be covered by insurance – it’s so rare to be covered, in fact, that I had difficulty finding a facility that would actually file insurance for me. I’ve met my deductible this year so they’re going to cover 80%. I can’t give that up.

But man. I’m nervous. Obviously I’m worried about something going wrong (these are my eyeballs for crying out loud!) but I’m more concerned with how my beautiful little girl will react.

I’m sure it’ll be fine. . . but these are the musings of a woman that’s about to get her eyes changed permanently. By a laser. That’s heavy.